I was in love.
I was 15 an so was he. i was staying the night with my cousin who lived an hour away and he lived next door to her. we had been talking for a few months and i was falling for him do when he invited over to a sort of party he was having, i couldn't say yes fast enough. thier were about ten ppl thier and we were all in his basement ( which was a home theater) watching who knows what and drinking. after everyone had fallen asleep left or went upstairs. we got closer to each other and started kissing. we made out for a few minutes and then he wraped his arms around me and i laid back (we were on a couch thing) and pulled him on top of me. we kissed and he took his shirt off and then pulled the comferter on the back of the couch just invade we hadan audience and then things just happened. i woke up that morning still wrapped in his arms.
even though i'm a reform jew i don't regret it. i knew i was in love. a few months eailer i had written a list of standards for my perfect guy and if they didn't match all (100) of them i wasnt interested. and no one fit that. but when i met him i knew he didn't fit alot of them but loved him anyway and felt crazy when i saw him or talked to him or even heard his name. thebest part was that he knew i wasn't ready and respected that. herespected me and i loved every part of him even his flaws.
we met again one month later and i remember he pushed me against the wall and started kissing me and then after he knew i wanted it too carried me up to his bedroom and ...
i knew i was falling in love and i got scared. i stopped talking to him as much and seeing him and then a few monthes later his football team was playing against ours, we quit talking all togather. it hurt me really bad and i don't know what i was doing. he moved on though. got a girlfriend got over me. i can't though. it's been about four monthes since that game and we finally talked again. he told me he was glad i came (meaning came into his life) and that i should let go. i can't. i don't want to. and i don't know what to do. what hurts the most is that the tone of his voice sounded like he was hurt too. maybe we are both scared.
btw i don't regret loosing it even if we don't get back togather or whatever. i know he was perfect for my first time.
Signed: 2012-01-27 21:45:01
Author: Kayla West